My Journal...

April 6, 2009- RECYCLE YOUR OLD ELECTRONICS TO RAISE FUNDS & HELP ANIMALS
PLEASE RECYCLE TO HELP OUR HOMELESS ANIMALS!
Proceeds benefit the Western PA Humane Society!!!
The money raised will go to the medical care for the animals ...vaccines, frontline, microchips -- all things that are required to get these animals into new and loving homes.

Spread the word to help make this fundraiser a success!!! Items we are collecting... Computers, Stereos, Copiers, Camcorders, Circuit Boards, Electronic pianos, Video Cameras, Printers, Monitors, CD players, Projectors, Cameras, Radios, Game Consoles, Telephones, PDA's, Typewriters, Cell phones, VCR's, DVD players, All batteries, Generators, Speakers, Microwaves, Radios, Fax machines, CB radios, Plotters, Cables/wiring, Electronice lawnmowers, Electronic wheelchairs, Calculators, and so on.
SORRY, NO TELEVISIONS OR TOASTERS.
Simply drop your old electronic items into a recycling container that has been placed in one of our park locations, and help us to provide care for Pittsburgh's unwanted animals!
For questions orm more information call 412-321-4625 X248
All recycling will take place safely in the USA.

March 28- April 11, 2009- North Park, Boyce Park, South Park, and Settlers Cabin Park containers located in their SWIMMING POOL PARKING LOT AREAS.

• *North Park
• *Boyce Park
• *South Park
• *Settlers Cabin Park
• *Round Hill Park (Duck Pond Parking Lot)
• *North Shore Humane Society (parking lot)

March 23- I just wanted to let you know that I’ve recently been included in an episode of Standup Women, a weekly compilation of the funniest females on RooftopComedy!
Additionally, that episode will be featured in the Daily 8 on the front page of RooftopComedy.com on Tuesday for all the adoring masses to see. Be sure to check it out at RooftopComedy.com! And tell everyone you know!
Awesome!!!!!!!!

March 21, 2009....I have been having some seeerious computer trouble, which is very annoying , of course. It seems i'm not very compatible with technology! When something of mine breaks, then everything seems to follow suit....camera, phone, at the same time. It could be the universe telling me to read or meditate...to go outside or write some new material! So my big news is that i found a house in Asheville (Fairview) on 7 acres that i love totally. Im planning to move into it april 17. My head is totally spinning over this, even though i have wanted to live there for over a year now. My 9 days there were very interesting, healthy, and productive. With the help of my good friend Charlie, i am trying to get a job as a morning co-host on the new radio station that plays awesome music (the River). I love being a comedian, but i want a more stable lifestyle with alot less travel, and i really feel that i am going to find something there. I feel very at home there, and i am sure that this move is good. The women who I will be renting the house from are very good friends with my soul sister, Rowan. That is a huge bonus. Rowan is a certified yoga instructor, and Im hoping to grow my own food on all this land, and have beautiful dinner parties, and hopefully get her to teach a little yoga class at my house up on the hill. I would love to write more, but i have not been on stage since the theater show on the 7th and i have a 50 minute set to do tonight at the SIDDS benefit show in Mt. Pleasant. i know alot of people coming, and i better be prepared. This is one rare day that i miss cigarettes. But wow i heard they're going up to like 7 or 8 bucks a pack! Thank god i don't smoke anymore!! Bummin a smoke is not going to be the same at all anymore. You used to be able to ask a stranger "hey can i bum a cigarette?" now it's gonna be like " i'll buy you a drink in exchange for a smoke" which is what i used to do when i was in the beginning stages of quitting. I'd trade a drink for a cigarette! which usually meant about 3 bucks for one cigarette! which was crazy ! but if i used that 3 bucks to buy a pack , i would not just smoke one. ....anywhoodle, i am off to try to write a good bit about the bat that was visiting me in my apartment for 3 glorious days. How scary! and creepy!! I want to love them, but when they are flying around your house, it is one of the most frightening things EVerrrrr! EspECIALLY for me - i was terrified that it was going to think my hair was it's nest....! or a comfortable place for a rest area....so i was running around the living room with a box, laughing and screaming and crying and shaking (wish so much it was on tape ...id be mortified, but it would have been soooo funnnnyyy) i need to do a comedy bit about this....most people i know have experienced it or heard about it, ohhhh, but just fyi-- they are such good deed doers....so dont kill them if they're in your house! Throw a light sheet/towel over it, and scoop that up-- and let it out! i have to go prepare for my show. in the time i wrote this, my phone dried out and is working yayyyyyy....!!! i hate going to the cell phone stores!!!!! oh! i have a Verizon story! haaahaaaa..it's going to have to wait.... peace. i wish i could attend THIS event!!!

Ani Difranco to perform at Pete Seeger’s 90th Birthday at Madison Square Garden
Sunday, May 3rd folk legend Pete Seeger turns 90 years old and there’s gonna be a huge sing-a-long at Madison Square Garden to celebrate!

Ani will be there, along with over 40 other great musicians including Pete Seeger (of course), Bruce Springsteen, Dave Matthews, Eddie Vedder, John Mellencamp, Joan Baez, Arlo Guthrie, Ben Harper, Emmylou Harris…well you get the idea, so just head on over to Seeger90.com to get the whole line up. This may not be a full Ani DiFranco live set (if it was this would be a 40 hour show…), but it’s bound to be a once in a lifetime music event that you won’t want to miss!

Tickets go on sale Monday, March 30 at Ticketmaster.com, all proceeds raised will go directly to The Hudson River Sloop Clearwater, an environmental organization that Pete started back in 1966 to help clean up the Hudson River.

March 4, 2009 --i put a few pictures from our awesome night at the Fleetwood Mac show up. It was unbelievable!! They have not lost anything over the years!!! Well, except Christine McVie. I do wish she had been there, but nonetheless, it was specTACULAR! Like many women, I wanted to BE Stevie when i was small. I still have this weird adoration for her that is some kind of magic- much like her. Bizarre though, how she's probably such a normal, insecure human being , like so many others. But yet we glorify her because we love her songs, her lyrics, and her Bella Donna presence. The only reason i say she's probably just normal like so many others, is that when i was 9 years old, because my dad had (HAS) such a cool job, i got back stage passes to meet her. Was i nine? or older? hmmm..i dont recall. All i know is that i was anticipating that moment to a psycho level!! Couldn't WAIT! .well because of her love for the blow, she couldn't meet anyone (and probably good that i was not introduced to cocaine at that young age anyway ha ha) so i was heartbroken . But now 27 or 28 years later, here i am , still oooohhhing and awwwing over her magnificant presence. THIS time, however, i am someone who knows what it is like to be on stage in front of people . Before you EVEN think i'm saying it's comparable, i am saying on a Waaaaayyyyy waaaayyy smaler teenier tinyer l scale...but i see that she is just a woman. A woman who obviously once didn't handle the pressure well (so much coke that she had to have the inside of her nose redone). But like i said, i was watching her, through my tears-- of course--and still adoring her in a way that i just can't explain. Certain people just have that kind of effect on others. SPEAKING OF WHICH, I get to see ANI DIFRANCO one week from tomorrow. Once my phone trouble was over , now my computer is dying. I'm leaving it home while i go to Asheville for nine days. So i won't be checking email much. But i will be shopping around for a new lap top. Any advice on laptop purchase is invited. And speaking of invited-- Im performing at a beautiful theater in Asheville NC Saturday night. I hear Comedy Central peeps will be there. Please attend if you are able. OH ***-And one more very important thing. If you or anyone you know is thinking about getting a tattoo, i cannot be more sure to send you to THHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE guy. Jim Peticca (Vega Star Tattoo Gallery) 120 N. Pennsylvania Ave Greensburg, Pa 15601 (724) 828-3737 They havea myspace also....I had heard that Jim was awesome, and i knew him as a friend, but today he did some work on my arm, and he really is an artistic genius! Please go see him if you want something lovely done YOUR WAY ( i know i sound like a commercial but when someone is really good at something, i like to spread the word!!) Have a great week, Everybody. xoxoxoxoxo

Feb 28, 2009 I feel like a little kid. I talked to my dad on the phone tonight, and he said "Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?" I am THAT excited about the Fleetwood Mac concert! Ok....so i deleted my whole journal b/c i felt it went back way way too far and I don't do too many things in moderation. Extremes aren't good but that's kind of how i am sometimes. . I was once again, surprised, flattered and touched that i got so much feedback. I usually assume not that many people keep up with my on going journal of oddness... More than a few people had asked if i had saved any of the journal entries. I did. I copied the entire thing to a storage spot on my computer. There were a few "entries" that i got feedback on that people thought should stay. So on my Satruday night off here at home, i'm going through the ones that seemed to be interesting to you all, and I'm putting them back on at the bottom. Thanks for your interest and support, always. Love.loveLOVE...

FEB 24, 2009. Minimalizing. Simplifying! I am going through some good changes, and clutter is one of my problems. I've never erased one journal entry since 2006! So i deleted the whole thing today, and that felt REALLY GOOD! I can breathe better. I drove home from one of my favorite Funnybones yesterday. 13 hour haul from Des Moines, Iowa to Greensburg, Pa with two cats in the car (I'm hearing 'Our House' right now) Would you believe that my drive completely flew by? I learned that taking books on cd can be helpful. However, this time i took Jane Fonda's "My Life So Far" At the risk of sounding dramatic, this book may have changed my life. She is such an inspiration to me, and I urge anyone who has struggled in their life, who thinks it's too late to change, or women who have been abused and/or struggled with their self worth to read/listen to her story. She is amazing (not to mention the book is read by the author, and she's got about the best voice I've ever heard). Happy Birthday today, Mom.

Feb 20...I received an email today from Rooftop Comedy today, saying that i was their featured comic for this week or something nice....honored. I am feeling a tad guilty that most of the stuff that is on line about me is not something *I* put there or worked on. Good example is the clip from KGGO the other morning. So after i saw that, i googled myself (laugh it up-- every comic does it regularly) and i found a picture of myself that was so crazy! But im going to put it on my picture page ha ha...i love the Des Moines Funnybone, and certainly doing radio on KGGO. Love you, Round Guy! This is the Rooftop link: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/comics/MelanieMaloy?performerSearch=Melanie+Maloy

Jan 6- 2009- I only went out for drinks once that i was in Broad Ripple. I walked into the bar my last night there with my friends from Crackers, and the weirdest thing happened. Some girls from the show, who were amazingly drunk, saw me come in and went "There she is!" They came running toward me and shuffled me into the bathroom. Thankfully all they wanted was the shirt i was wearing. I had only worn it like one time, but they really wanted it! AND the girl jammed 30 bucks in my pocket!! I payed THREE for it at Goodwill!! So she took the top and left. I said "Hey! Come back here! I can't go out like this!" So the one went and got my coat, and i wore that for the remainder of my time at the "Alley Cat" The shirt WAS pretty cool, but i made 27 dollars! Nice!

November 8 -08- i was part of the beautiful, awesome "Tent City" last weekend in Toledo OH. In addition to the amazing event, the founder, my friend, Ken Leslie married his babe, Norma on Saturday night under the tent. It was way way different than any type of ceremony i'd ever been to. Totally non traditional , fun, laid back, funny, cool.........I was honored to be one of Norma's bridesmaids, and was one of 24 in the wedding party who had to say something in the microphone about "Faith" (and for the men "hope") it was awesome how everyone had something totally different. some funny, some religious, some specific to the union of Ken and Norma....wow the whole thing was so NEAT!! That afternoon (Nov. 1) I was driving around a very run-down, DANGEROUS area of Toledo, and saw maybe theeeee saddest thing ever. I don't even want to go into it cuz it's depressing AND there's a happy ending. A ONE POUND kitten was being mistreated by some shitty pigs, and after about a 20 minute crying, hypervenelating spell in my car, i got out and found the kitten. Tricky situation, cuz the low-lifes were still lingering and they could have killed me. OH WAIT , i forgot they're probably NOT that tough, as they were abusing a living thing that is the size of an adult HAND........ YEAH....i'm sure they only f*ck with really defenseless beings, and i was beyond sad at that point. Even though there were 3 of them, i was ready to kick ALL of them in their face, but violence is NOT the answer, soooooo i just snatched up the baby and ran. I did tell the cops, but their response was "uh what were you doing there? there's all kind of crime in that neighborhood" pretty much saying i guess, that what I saw was the least of it. Ugh anyway, He is just 7 weeks old , maybe 8. I took him to the emergency animal hospital in Toledo, then to my magical vet, who i LOVE (Justin Kontir Animal Hospital Mt. Pleasant Pa 724-547-2132 ) and the baby rescue is now living in my attic until he's definitely done with fleas, and the tests show that he's diseaseless. I took him up to the nursing home today on a leash. (Humans can't catch any disease a cat has) The baby kitten who i call "Rafiki" is so awesome. he went around and let all the olds touch him, and he didn't care about the leash....i hope my Little Cat Marci, (who does NOT LOOK LITTLE ANYMORE) isn't too jealous when she meets him. I think she knows something's up but she's a good spirit, and she has GOT to understand that Rafiki is a survivor! and OUR FRIEND! "Rafiki" is a REAL cool song by Zap mama, and it means "Friend" in Swahili...Swahili is the native language of various groups traditionally inhabiting about 1,500 miles of the East African coastline.

So i was a guest on the Bob and Tom Show last week on August 29th It was pretty wild to experience all of the emails i got. I realize there are like 5 million listeners, but it was weird to get back to my hotel and have sooo many notes from new people all around the country! Really kind of made me want to pursue a tv credit. I go back and forth on that, but Im thinking if so many people wrote to me just from that radio show, which was not a whole lot of my stuff, i might really reach alot of people on tv.....So on the Bob and Tom show, one of the "rules" was that you do NOT wear perfume in the studio. Well that bulliton didnt reach me in time, because i wear patchouli in my hair, and anyone who knows what THAT is, knows that THAT particular oil sticks around for a while. It is definately in no hurry to leave. It's like the straggler at the party , when you're done with the dishes, and saying "Ok so -- uh-- thanks for coming" and you hear them crack another can of beer.. .that's patchouli . The studio was freezing , and i was wrapped up in a blanket, so Tom gave me a shirt of his, and then told me to just keep it. I didn't know whether to be honored that he gave me his own shirt, or offended that he didn't want it back since i'd worn it. I wonder if they're loved enough that i could put it up for auction on ebay. ((I love ebay)) Now that i started selling a couple of things, everything i look at is a potential sale item! It's one of the FEW things i like about computers. I'm trying to learn to love technology, but it's a slow process.

August 5, 2008. When people do insanely kind things, i remember why i still have so much faith in people. A very, very good woman who i met after a show at Jr's in Erie, Pa sent me a card in the mail with money for two tickets to my benefit show at the Moose (money goes to homeless cats). She cannot attend, but wanted me to give the tickets to someone who might not be able to afford it. I just happen to know a huuuuge animal lover who really wanted to go, and is financially strapped. Now she and her husband can go thanks to Sharon. In the words of the Great Van Morrison "Oh the Warm Feeling"

July 25, 2007 (Atlanta GA punchline) The headliner Tommy Blaze had his 9 year old daughter with him. She went up and did 5 minutes Sunday night! She was good! I have never seen a child more beautiful. I actually feel sorry for people who are that breath-takingly attractive. When she is older, I hope that people still recognize that she is funny and talented. It seems that beauty gets in the way of the other qualities somehow. One of the reasons i am glad i'm not gorgeous-it'd be harder to be a comedian. I really believe that. I did a showcase w/ a woman once who was super pretty -- and the audience made her work for it. She had good jokes, but it's like people are irritated- "beautiful AND funny? Fu#k you." ha ha. Of course it is very different in the celebrity world...they almost HAVE to be attractive or they would never be on TV. Very twisted. Since when do singers have to be pretty? but when a vocalist is not -- it's the big joke. Like when Lyle Lovett was married to Julia Roberts. Or like when Kelly Clarkson first got famous, and everyone was talking abou how "chunky" she was for a celebrity! She's a SINGER! Not a Victoria's Secret model! But f$ck them anyway! Dont you think fuller figured women want to wear lingerie (sp?) too??? And don't you think that some men don't like size 2 chicks without full lips and perfect skin?? I'd like to see a Victoria Secret commercial with a mix of women so we stop thinking that it's only ok to wear sexy clothes if you look like a supermodel!! LA is my most hated place for that reason I was there when i was in my early 20's and people were just right up front about what i needed to get done - you need a better style, you need bigger booobs, you need higher cheek bones. I'm like "Really?? Are you daring to say my parents didn't produce the right looking human ?? Or that the higher being doesn't know what He/She is doing??? Besides, would a more perfect body and face make my material better? Helllll NO!!!!! I'm trying to make people laugh, not make them oooh and ahhh at my appearance!!" Tommy Blaze said something that i thought was wonderful when i asked him if it gets annoying or scary when people are constantly telling Delaney (his daughter) how pretty she is. He said that he and his wife remind her all the time that her prettiness is not a contribution to society. I'm not sure i've ever heard that put better. What a wonderful thing to teach someone ESPECIALLY today!! when our society is just obsessed with physical beauty.

December 15, 2006~~Toledo, Ohio...I love Panera Bread so much! They let you hang out here, using their free wireless for as long as you want while suckin down as many coffee refills as you can handle. Thank you, Panera! In the years that i've been traveling doing this job, I've learned alot about saving money along the way. Some people think it's extreme, I call it smart. I bought a microwave at a yard sale for FIVE DOLLARS!(yard sales rockkk) So I keep it in my trunk, and carry it into hotel rooms that don't have one. You wouldn't believe how many strange looks i get! I guess people are just so lazy...they often say "I can't believe you go to all that trouble hauling that thing around" It's relatively light, and it takes like 2 minutes to get it out of the trunk and into the room!! ONE time-- I was leaving on a Sunday morning, and i was carrying it out to my car, and the housekeeper said "Ma'am (which i hate) You can't take that" !?! The sad part is that she WORKS at that hotel, and didn't stop to think that none of the rooms have a microwave! She just automatically assumed that i was stealing! So i decided to mess with her. I just took off running. ha ha ha. Cuz i knew i couldn't get in trouble, but it was thrilling for that brief time. I felt like a criminal for a second. But then I had to go past her again, and i felt like a weirdo. I said "i brought that with me...i just ran to fuck with you" She was so mad (and probably embarassed). I bring my own comforter and pillow. Actually anyone that doesn't do that is crazy. Ew. As is they wash the comforter every time. No way. I try to make the hotel rooms feel as much like home as i can. I burn nag champa, so it smells like my house.like a criminal for a second. But then I had to go past her again, and i felt like a weirdo. I said "i brought that with me...i just ran to fuck with you" She was so mad (and probably embarassed). I bring my own comforter and pillow. Actually anyone that doesn't do that is crazy. Ew. As is they wash the comforter every time. No way. I try to make the hotel rooms feel as much like home as i can. I burn nag champa, so it smells like my house.